I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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