I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
