$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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