i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
