3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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