At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I will pee on everything he values.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
