Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
