Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
