Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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