the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize