smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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