When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
