Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
