Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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