im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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