Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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