yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize