i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
