last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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