haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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