On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
