I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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