Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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