You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
