Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
