My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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