you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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