I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
