I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
