I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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