Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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