Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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