I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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