I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
