I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
