His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
