in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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