She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
