He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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