I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
