I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
