Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
