the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
