I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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