If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
