before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
