I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
