he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
