Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
