Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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