I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Randomize
