Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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