My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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