Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize