Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
