Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Semen is not good for contacts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
