No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
