my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
