I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
