you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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