Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
ttyl tear gas
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
