Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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