Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
