if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
