I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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