My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
