Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
