Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
