So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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