It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
