Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
