i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
