When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found puke in my bra..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
