chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize