the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
