This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
