also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
