I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
