he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize