by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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